02 Dec They Call it “Good Grief” for a Reason: It Has a Purpose

Wherever you’re sitting right now, take a look around you. Glance over at the people around you. Smile at that one person who’s sitting alone. For just a moment, take a look at everyone in the room with you. Everyone in that room has something in common–or will have something in common at one time in their lives.

Whether the people around you are friends, family or complete strangers, most everyone with whom you come in contact has experienced a loss–the loss of someone for whom they cared deeply. And those who have yet to experience such a loss will no doubt go through the experience at some point.

Credit: waltercarter.com.au

If you’ve ever lost someone, whether recently or ages ago, you know the ache in your heart that seems to be the pinnacle of the entire grieving process. The grieving process affords us good days. And then there are bad days. There are better days and so-so days. You also know the myriad of feelings that accompany grief that can be overwhelming at times–sometimes even seeming to jump out at us from the shadows. We can have a mix of feelings all in the span of a day or even in the span of just a few hours.

Credit: pixabay

If you’ve lost someone, you know that grief hurts; it can even create feelings within us that we didn’t know we could feel. There’s a lot we know about grief, but one thing that not everyone knows is that grieving is never in vain. It actually serves a purpose. In fact, there are goals associated with the grief process as we navigate toward emotional and spiritual healing. And though it’s a difficult process to experience, it gives us hope to know that grief is not a pointless exercise, and that might just be the silver lining in your cloud today that gives you the hope and courage to continue moving forward.

Here are some of the goals and purposes of the grieving process.

We grieve so we can understand our loss and accept its reality.

A very normal part of the grief cycle is denial. This part of the cycle can also present itself as shock, disbelief or numbness–or any combination of them. Denial, shock, disbelief and numbness are often our bodies’ ways of only allowing the reality of our loss to seep in a little at a time, instead of rushing over us like a tidal wave, rendering us too overwhelmed to handle our feelings.

That recent loss probably won’t feel completely real for some time, and that’s normal. But one of the goals of grief is to begin to understand our loss so that we can begin to accept that it is real. Meeting this goal over time is important because in many ways, it lays the groundwork for our personal grief journeys. After all, until we can begin to accept the reality of our loss, it can be nearly impossible for us to even recognize the need for, and purpose of, grieving.

We grieve to learn to work through the pain of grief by processing our feelings.

The grieving process also helps us to learn how to work through the painful feelings we are experiencing by processing them. You’ve heard people say “don’t keep your feelings bottled up.” This is especially true of feelings associated with the loss of someone we care about. Doing so can make us bitter, angry and sometimes jaded. Think of the grieving process as a permission slip–giving you permission to feel whatever you’re feeling–so that you can work through those feelings.

Processing those feelings as we experience them puts us on the path toward healing, becoming stronger and moving forward.

Credit: Unsplash.com

We grieve to begin to adjust to our “new normal.”

Our “new normal” is defined as the new ways in which we live our lives after the loss of someone close to us. It includes the changes we will notice and feel after the loss. Our “new normal” will, over time, become our “normal” as we adjust to the changes that were set into motion as a result of our loss. The process takes time and we must give ourselves the time to adjust. Grieving allows us to adjust over time.

We grieve to find ways to memorialize our loved ones while re-engaging in our own lives.

Grieving allows us to memorialize the one we lost, to give that person a place on honor in our hearts and in our memories. Grieving allows us through the need to memorialize our loved ones while we learn to re-enter our own social and familial circles that we may have stepped back from while caring for a loved one who was ailing. At first, we may experience feelings of guilt for moving on, for moving forward, for stepping back into our lives. Those feelings are normal, and they too will fade over time as we proceed into our “new normal.”

We grieve to vanquish feelings of guilt about moving on, living life, etc.

As we’ve looked into already, it’s normal to experience feelings of guilt about moving on. Sometimes, we can even feel guilty about enjoying anything once our loved one has passed away. Part of grieving deals with those feelings, but the grieving process helps us to work through those feelings until we realize that we don’t have to feel guilty for moving forward, for finding enjoyment in life again and even for having feelings of happiness again after our loss.

Credit: soundofheart.org

But if you notice, the sun comes up the day after our loss. And the day after that. And the day after that–as if it is a symbol for us to do the same–to get up each day and shine, even after experiencing a loss. The old adage no one wants to hear when grieving is that “time heals,” but truer words were never spoken. That’s why grief is a process, a journey–one that takes place over time.

Are you experiencing grief right now after the loss of someone you loved? We hope you’ll find this information comforting and helpful. Please continue to visit our website for more encouragement and sharing. You can also follow us on Twitter and Instagram (@CPHospice) where we share insightful quotes and verses to encourage and lift up those around us.